True Confessions (But Not Reports)

Or, KPD vs. the Odd Couple: Officers were called to a downtown area apartment complex mid-morning on Sept. 21 to investigate a possible assault. Upon speaking to two female victims, the police report notes that the two provided such inconsistent accounts of the alleged assault that it was actually difficult to take adequate notes. By the end of the interview—and after both victims had stated that neither actually had any plans to prosecute—one confessed to have been harboring fantasies of being a traffic cop since childhood while the other admitted to have recently been in counseling for a compulsive lying habit. If the officer was surprised by either admission, it was not detailed in the report.