Kippy Botulism, Metro Pulse Triage Artist

What did you do last night?

Nothing, what did you do?

Nothing, really.

Hm.

Why do you hate children?

Why would you ask me that? I don't hate them, I just don't think they should be exempt from ridicule. They are really not so precious as people may think.

But they are as precious as little diamonds from heaven!

Listen, I actually remember what it was like being a kid. I'd hear folks talk about how sweet I was, how sweet my sisters were and all that. And I'm thinking, "What are they talking about? I'm a liar and my sisters are torturers!" So while kids have their sweet moments, they should also be called out on things like if they stink or pinch people. Basically, their inept social skills.

You were a horrible child yourself?

Oh yes. I'm still a horrible child. It's a testament to my mother's love that she still talks to me.

Not everything in this series are kids, though, like the bear and the cat.

Animals fit into this series just like the kids do. Their social skills are pretty comparable. Dummies!

Do children like you?

There are some kids that love being teased. Those kids like me.

Do you have children?

No, do you want to help me make one?

This interview is difficult.

Why?

Because I'm conducting it with myself.

Well, you should have found another artist to run for the next few weeks so you wouldn't have had to run your own artwork under a pseudonym. That's your own fault!

How many of these are you planning on making?

I have a big series of them, but I don't really have time to make any more. My job takes up so much of my time.

Why don't you quit?

Oh, I would if I could, man. I would if I could.

For instructions on how to submit your work for consideration in Triage, e-mail grayt@metropulse.com.