A New Economy Story

In which, saaaaaaad. There has to be another name for this depressing "new economy." Continuing to call it that is beginning to seem more and more like the ludicrous denial it is. Previously, I have suggested the "New Feudalism," "America's Third Worldening," or "Professional football's least profitable decade." But the following story has given me some inspiration. Welcome, citizens, to America's "Generation-long, Subsistence-Level Crime Spree." That, I believe, pretty much sums it up.

A worker at a downtown office building reported a break-in on the afternoon of Feb. 21. The police, no doubt fearing major, expensive larceny, stormed the building and found a man rifling through the kitchen. When they arrested and searched him in a nearby stairwell, they found a baggie on his person. Drugs? No, the office worker reported, the bag had previously contained sliced lunch meat. Also missing were a box of animal crackers and some saltines.

Merri Shaffer contributed to this report