While one would ordinarily save his or her use of metaphors and allegories for a romantic occasion or a final English paper, Shakespearean tendencies can surface when least expected. This was the case last Saturday at a student residence off Highland Avenue.
According to a Knoxville Police Department report, officers were in the middle of responding to a call regarding a different domestic dispute when they heard a female yelling at a male subject from the nearby sidewalk. Officers observed the man following the woman after she repeatedly shouted at him to get away from her. Officers began to make their way over to the couple after they witnessed the woman enter a nearby residence and shut the door, with the man continuing to yell and attempting, with success, to force himself inside. After knocking at the residence and receiving no response, the officers heard the woman shout, "You're murdering me!"
When officers pushed their way inside, they were greeted by the couple—both still alive. When questioned, the woman stated that the officers had obviously misunderstood the context of her exclamation; she had meant that the male subject was "murdering their relationship."
So English majors take heed: Overuse of your mastery of the English language has a time and a place. If you wish to avoid police interference, next time you're tempted to shout "I'll slit your throat," make it clear that you are referring to slitting the hypothetical throat of the human conscience.