The KnoX Files: An Unsuccessful Conspiracy Theorist

From the files of the Knoxville Police Department

The key to being a successful conspiracy theorist, as one Knoxvillian recently learned, is to be vocal enough to be heard, but perhaps not so vocal as to be arrested.

On June 5 at 11:25 p.m., a woman contacted the Knoxville Police Department requesting an order of protection. When officers responded to her call, she called them "assholes" and said she needed an order of protection to save her from people like them.

With the responding officers still present, she called 911 yet again, this time saying she was being threatened by the police officers. She went on to say that the military had also targeted her with lasers and abused her with military technology. She claimed to have marks on her tongue from the lasers but said she could not show them because they were only visible in certain light. The officers tried to question her further about this, and she said she knew she had been a military target because she was psychic. She was eventually arrested for calling 911 twice without a legitimate emergency to report.

Her fellow conspiracy theorists, however, may have doubts about her arrest: Is she crazy, or was her jailing another part of the conspiracy? Oh, if only Mulder and Scully were still around...