Top 4 Competitive Activities for Those Still Suffering PTSS From Grade School Gym Class

4. Dragon Boat Races—Teams of 20 paddlers, a drummer and steerperson race in authentic 41-foot long Hong Kong-style dragon boats. Organizers bill it as the "ultimate team-building sport" able to embrace all ages, skill levels, and physiques. Even if you can't quite swallow that, looking at the cool boats and seeing who falls in the water is low-impact exercise. The next chance: Festival Day, June 26, at the Cove at Concord Park.

3. Ping Pong—That's right. There are two fully balanced tables THAT WE KNOW OF, THERE COULD BE MORE!! where you can paddle away without judgment or having to rescue the ball from beneath the lawn mower in the garage: one at Sidestreet Tavern, one at the Downtown YMCA.

2. Glow Bowl—Eerie! And you'll be so funky looking, no one will notice that you're chucking the ball consistently into the gutters. Or checking out "new friends" instead of taking your turn. By which we mean Glow Bowling at the University Center Down Under, Fridays 5 p.m.-midnight, Saturdays 10 a.m.-10 p.m., Sunday 4 p.m.-6 p.m. when school's in session. In short, we're talking loud music, moving and flashing lights, and black lights so your clothes glow while you bowl.

1. Smoky Mountain Dock Dogs—The name pretty much sums it up. First club like it in Tennessee, and those with dogs who like to putz around in the water and jump off docks are heartily encouraged to engage. If your dog doesn't go much further than that, fine, but if you get hooked, there may be chances for competitions in other cities, and junior handlers have their own league.