Painful Lessons We Learned in 2009

Do not imply that roller derby can sometimes be a violent sport.

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Do not print write-in votes for "Meanest Bartender in Town"—it might not be intended as an affectionate title.

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Do not say that Metro Pulse might not have been utterly excellent under previous ownership.

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Do not say that an arcane government report provides an incomplete picture of the city's efforts to improve public housing. (No, wait—do say that, but much more emphatically.)

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Before publicly avowing that anyone is "obsessed" with Dog the Bounty Hunter, verify it with them, no matter what their wife and fellow bond-enforcement agent told you.

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Do not assume Yuengling brewery is in any way owned or associated with Anheuser-Busch—they are watching.

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Do not describe the physical appearance of a daycare center's exterior if it's less than attractive.

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Do not publicly complain about music venues not sending in their show information.

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Mess with Texas. Don't mess with South Knoxville. Ever.