'11': Our 2nd Annual Awesome Issue of Mighty Lists

Yet More Useless Information About Knoxville

11 Knoxville Creeks

(Do You Know Where They Are?)

First Creek

Second Creek

Third Creek

Fourth Creek

Loves Creek

Murphy Creek

Flat Creek

Stock Creek

Beaver Creek

Turkey Creek

Clift Creek

11 Curious Headstones

First Presbyterian: The tall obelisk, broken at the top. Abner Baker's inscription reads, in part, "His death was an honor to himself but an everlasting disgrace to his enemies." Baker, a former Confederate soldier, was lynched from a tree on Hill Avenue in 1865 after shooting a former Unionist named Will Hall.

First Presbyterian: A stone near State Street, visible from the sidewalk, is inscribed, "In Memory of Jane Strong, who died of the fever which proved fatal to so many persons in this place in the summer and fall of 1838."

Old Gray: The startling stone of Davy Holloway shows, in bas relief, a train breaking on a collapsing trestle. In 1875 the 31-year-old engineer was killed after repair work to a railroad bridge over the Tennessee River.

Anderson-Gouffon Cemetery, Tazewell Pike: A stone marked Father Jan shows a portrait of a young man, with the inscription, "His Grace, the most Reverend Justinian James Harrill Lynch, III, Bishop of Petra in Egypt, Count of Trabzon, Cavaliere di Grazia Magistrale...." It is the grave of a Knoxville native who became a bishop in the Byzantine rite, and died in Knoxville in 1996, of AIDS.

Asbury Cemetery, Forks of the River area: A stone inscribed the Last Lap shows an oval depiction of the Indianapolis "Brickyard" with an old-fashioned two-man race car leaving the track, with one wheel outside the boundary. Pete Kreis, a Knoxville racing champion was in a trial run just before the 1934 Indy 500, when his car, traveling at about 100 mph, slid off the track at a turn. Kreis and his mechanic were both killed. The family hired noted Italian sculptor Albert Milani to carve his unusual tombstone.

A strange-looking stone column off Martin Luther King Boulevard, not far from Walter P. Taylor homes, is inscribed with parts of Thomas Gray's poem "Elegy Written in a Country Churchyard." It looks almost like a military structure of some sort. Erected in 1937, it memorializes those who have been buried in this often overgrown field known since the late 1800s as "Potter's Field." It was a place devoted to the burial of the unknown and indigent. No records of the burials here survive; though the field has not been used for burials since before World War II, there may be thousands here.

Greenwood Cemetery holds one monument that's older than the cemetery itself. The stone of Robert J. McKinney shows a boy with long hair in elaborate coat, shoes, and knee-breeches, holding what appears to be a broken riding crop. Carved from a portrait that now hangs at the East Tennessee History Center, it depicts a 6-year-old boy who died in 1888, at his wealthy parents' Main Avenue home, after a two-month siege of tubercular meningitis. The stone was originally erected in Old Gray, but the family moved it to Greenwood, probably during a long period when Old Gray was neglected.

Old Gray: A plot is marked Taylor, but appears to have no graves on it. And in fact, it doesn't. It was, however, the next-to-final resting place for Senator and Governor Robert Taylor, who at the time of his sudden death in Washington in 1912 was probably the most popular man in Tennessee. His burial was attended by a reported 40,000, a figure credible if you see the photographs of it. But he was here for only a quarter century before his family exhumed him for reburial near his rural birthplace in Upper East Tennessee. His burial and exhumation are both described, in only lightly disguised form, in Pulitzer laureate Peter Taylor's last novel, In the Tennessee Country.

At Old Gray, an obelisk is inscribed on two sides to Joseph Mabry, with different birthdates but exactly the same death date: October 19, 1882. In fact, they're father and son, killed in the same gunfight on Gay Street, with banker Thomas O'Conner, who is buried elsewhere in the same graveyard. With exactly the same date of death. All three combatants were killed almost instantly.

At the cemetery of the Island Home Baptist Church, standing out in size and artistic flourish, with an artsy illustration of a candle's glow, is the grave of Paul Y. Anderson, 1893-1938, with the unexpected claim, "Awarded the Pulitzer Prize in Journalism in 1929." Forgotten even by local institutions today, Anderson was one of the great muckraking journalists of his time, facing down threats from both the Mafia and angry Republicans; his Pulitzer was for his dogged investigations into the Teapot Dome scandal. Known to newspaper legend Heywood Broun as "the finest journalist of his day," Anderson was especially famous for his courage until, suddenly, he wasn't; in Washington, at age 45, he killed himself. Today, it's hard to find Tennesseans, even students of journalism, who've ever heard of him.

In Highland Memorial: Ray Mears' tomb. Ramon "Ray" Mears' grave is rendered in granite, with a map of the state of Tennessee with the now-irrefutable claim "COACH MEARS COINED PHRASE ‘BIG ORANGE COUNTRY.'"

—Jack Neely

11 Anagrams of Notable Knoxvillians

(Can You Guess Them? Answers at the bottom of this page.)

1. Cram In Nut Zoo

2. Exact Oily Hymn

3. Beady Porno

4. Adios New Mojo

5. Cozy Curry Nut

6. Darn My Dry Oil

7. Bitch Mutter

8. Dark Ego Ogre

9. A Rail Orgy

10. Ply Cheap Ass

11. Dead We Smirk

11 Authentic Tacos You Can Find in Knoxville Taquerias and Restaurants

Los Paisanos (8078 Kingston Pike # 151): Pastor ("shepherd style"—slow-roasted pork)

Mi Pueblo (1645 Downtown West Blvd. # 17): Asada (grilled beef)

La Tortilla (3603 Chapman Hwy.): Cabeza (grilled muscles from the head of a cow)

Senor Taco (3325 N. Broadway): Pescado (fish)

La Esperanza (2412 Washington Pike): Tripa (crunchy fried small intestines, either from a cow, pig, or sheep)

El Girasol (4823 Newcom Ave.): Chicharon (pork rinds)

El Tocayo (4516 Airport Hwy.): Suadero (smooth grilled beef brisket)

La Huasteca (2525 Chapman Hwy.): Carnitas (roasted, shredded pork)

La Rumba (4900 Chambliss Ave.): Pollo (chicken)

Lorena's (4329 Lonas Dr.): Lengua (beef tongue)

Las Amigas (4550 Chapman Hwy.): Barbacoa (slow-cooked shredded beef)

11 Things Worn That Should Not Have Been Worn, as Spotted on Market Square Between 6:16 and 7:24 p.m. on Friday, June 10, 2011

1. A tunic top longer than the wearer's denim shorts.

2. Baggy capri yoga pants under a dress.

3. A black-and-white beaded tank top paired with a black-and-brown tie-dyed peasant skirt.

4. A T-shirt with Tinkerbell worn by a person above the age of 40.

5. A pink sweater tied around the wearer's hips that, worn so, fell at least 8 inches below the hem of the wearer's shorts.

6. Mid-thigh length leggings of an unacceptable tightness such that prominent camel toe was inescapable.

7. Dreadlocks on a white girl.

8. A boxy aqua suit jacket with a shoulder-high kick-pleat.

9. Mid-calf-length black socks with sandals.

10. The clear plastic hanger loops worn as straps for a strapless dress.

11. A pink feather boa on a dachshund.

—Cari Wade Gervin

11 Celebrities Who've Been Spotted On Market Square Since 2000

Alexander McCall Smith

Elvis Costello

Quentin Tarantino

David Byrne

Aaron Neville

Patricia Neal

Elizabeth Gilbert

Chris Thile

Steve Winwood

David Blaine

Walter "Checkov" Koenig

11 Tweets by @allisonburchett, Our Favorite Twitterer

June 20: Wouldnt life be easier if we could learn from someone else's mistakes? But, no, we only seem to learn from our own... #reflecting

June 6: watching CTV. I'm a glutton for punishment #knoxcountycommission #boredom

June 5: I need a job, if you guys hear of anybody hiring, please let me know! #willworkforshoes

June 4: if what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, i ought to be SuperWoman…..

May 27: sittin here thinking man my back hurts … then realized i hadn't taken off my pistol yet. #ouch #tootiredtothink

May 25: really truly blessed. even when life is chaotic and just plain crazy, i still have sooo much to be thankful for! #GodisGreat #ByGraceAlone

May 21: Not gonna lie, i don't miss it one bit. "@LoweFinney: It's a nice day in Nashville. And we are inside working on the state budget…"

May 20: soooo bored. Wish I was at #bijouJubilee or #thehangout or #anywherebuthere. That's what you get when you marry an old dud. I mean dude :-)

May 17: can't wait for the Alice + Olivia trunk show at @obligatosouth tomorrow! #shopobligato

May 8: trying to be happy for all the mom's on mother's day. but gotta admit, i sure miss the pitter patter of lil feet running around :'-( Someday

May 3: Is it bad that its 8am and I'm already looking forward to Taco Tuesday? I could seriously eat La Paz RIGHT NOW! #fatkid #nommmm

11 Places on North Broadway Just Dying to Give You Money

1. Cash Advance Til Payday

2. Credit Express

3. Security Finance Loans

4. Check Into Cash

5. Auto Loans & Payday Loans

6. AmeriCa$h

7. TitleMax Title Loans

8. Cash Loans

9. Advance America

10. ACE Cash Express

11. SoCo Finance

11 Statues Around Town

Alex Haley statue

Rachmaninoff statue

Suffrage statue

Spanish-American War statue

Confederate statue

Union statue

Fireman statue

Beloved Woman statue

Rotary Guy statue

Rowboat Man statue

Skateboard Dude statue

11 Listings on knoxville.backpage.com/FemaleEscorts/

1. Look out Knoxville! This duo will knock your socks off! Visiting well reviewed providers - 25

2. East Tenn Girl - 51 (east tenn)

3. •°~°• HaRLeY •°~°• - 21 (knoxville)

4. ::L {✰} {✰} K -:¦: -. TASTY ♥ TASTY .-:¦: - L {✰} {✰} K:: - 24 (Visiting Knox TONIGHT 5p-12a)

5. AVAILABLE~ *$150 SPECIAL FF Breasts XTREME CURVES- Former Model/Actress DVD for HR appts. - 38 (West Knox/Cedar Bluff)

6. Sexy, Fun, Mature Nicole - 44 (Maryville)

7. All New Treat - 21 (South/North Knox)

8. Finally Returning... - 24 (north/south knox)

9. Visiting36DD escort this Thursday Turkey Creek area!!!! - 32 (Turkey Creek/Knoxville)

10. !!!!! Sweet, Petite, Lacey !!!!! - 28 (knox)

11. Brooke's Extended $$75 Special - 24 (North Knoxville (Right off of I-75))

11 Stores, Goods, and Services Knoxville Still Needs

1. A Megabus service from Knoxville to Cincinnati, Atlanta, Asheville, Lexington (Ky.), Memphis and/or Cherokee, N.C.—not just Knoxville to D.C.

2. A bona fide drive-in movie theater within five miles of downtown that has shows at least five nights a week

3. Any movie theater at all in South Knoxville, though a dollar theater might be best

4. A board and card game collection at each branch public library available for check out and containing, at the very least, Settlers of Catan, Risk, Rook, backgammon, cribbage, and Life—but not Sorry! While we're at it, why not offer game lessons at the branches in the evening?

5. A shuttle bus to Dollywood from opening day until close, leaving from points east, south, and north with a schedule that gets seasonal workers there to start work on time and returns after the park closes

6. A sliding-scale, non-profit driver's ed. company, possibly funded by "sweat equity" from students who could offer low-cost oil changes and car washes to the rest of us

7. A Starbucks and/or cupcake store in South Knoxville—or maybe Village Bakery could just start making cupcakes more often and serving frappuccinos and the like

8. A fast-food place that serves meal salads that don't contain chicken

9. A combo kiddie/doggie/elder daycare like the one on Raising Hope

10. A Tomato Head location that's open for dinner on Mondays

11. A Cheddar's you could eat at during peak dining hours without an hour-long wait or a strategic campaign worthy of MacArthur

—Rose Kennedy

11 Absolutely Lovely Desserts Served Only In Knoxville

1. Chef Chester Miller's "Grandmother's Chocolate Cake" served at Bistro By the Tracks—nearly flourless, with raspberry puree and toasted pistachios

2. A store-made warm apple fritter a la mode (Edy's ice cream) from Dippin Donuts in Bearden

3. Sequoyah Grille's house-made Creme Brulee with its warm crackling sugar crust

4. Fresh fruit pineapple sorbetto from Coolato Gelato—decadent, sure, but half the fat and calories of ice cream

5. Savelli's Bananas Foster bread pudding

6. Buddy's BBQ Lemon Ice Box pie developed by Buddy Smothers' wife LaMuriel

7. Chesapeake's Slower Delaware Pie—Mayfield's coffee ice cream and Kahlua liqueur chocolate cookie crust, hot fudge sauce, toasted pecans and chantilly cream

8. Nutella and strawberry authentic "street food-style French" crepe from the French Market

9. Chocolate malt from Kay's Ice Cream

10. Apple crisp from Aubrey's restaurant

11. Burrito Cheesecake from Soccer Taco—calories be damned with this flour tortilla filled with cheesecake, deep fried, and served with ice cream, chocolate sauce and whipped cream

11 Notable People Who Were Born In Knoxville

James Agee

Quentin Tarantino

Lamar Alexander

Harry McClintock (hobo composer of "Big Rock Candy Mountain")

Nikki Giovanni

William Hastie (first black federal judge)

Brownie McGhee

Johnny Knoxville

Brad Renfro

Jack Hanna

Dennis Hwang (Google.com artist)

11 Lunches Under $6 You Can Really Find Downtown

Soccer Taco's lunch specials (GOOOAAAAAALLLLL!!!! Burrito: $4.50)

The Bistro at the Bijou (red beans and rice: $6)

Cafe 4 (all day Monday: burger and fries for $5)

Market Square Farmer's Market ($2.50 nut burger, Wed. and Sat. only)

Steamboat Sandwiches (Tuesday special: half sandwich for $3)

Cairo Café (Ful Madammus—officially an appetizer, but a pretty good supper for $4.95)

Coffee and Chocolate (bagel with cream cheese, $3.75)

Dazzo's Italian Castle (check for the specials sign—two slices and a drink, $5.50)

Pete's Coffee Shop (daily specials for $5.95)

Dave the hot-dog vendor (two dogs, chips, pickle, and a drink, $5)

Primetime in Plaza Tower (BBQ dog, chips, drink, $6)

11 Items Found in Local Thrift Stores June 17, 2011

Incredibly, no one has snapped them up yet!

From God's Place Thrift Store (5917 Chapman Hwy.):

• Spiral bound "Daily Walk With Lewis & Clark 1805" day book, $1—it's almost like you were there with these snippets from the daily journey. Wonder if it covers the day one of Lewis' men shot him in the butt with an arrow?

• Hostile chick statuary, $1—what mantle is complete without a rebellious little bird glaring at his docile sibling?

• Glittery black Cons, $1—just right for anyone wanting to assume a new identity or out hypocrites who can't remember your name without reading your shoes

From Community Chest (122 West Scott Ave.):

• A copy of M. Scott Peck's The Road Less Traveled (25 cents)

• "For a Special Granddaughter" greeting card and envelope, 25 cents—wonder how the original intended recipient made Granny mad?

The Wrinkle Cure in hardback, $1—though you have to guess if someone really had "unlocked the power of cosmeceuticals for youthful, supple skin" they would never have parted with this tome. Maybe she'd memorized it?

From Knoxville Habitat for Humanity Thrift Store (2209 N. Central St.):

• A smallish looking wetsuit—$45 with bag included, no size indicated

• The Game of Life: A Jedi's Path—guess you could call it "Get a Life..." but the original is $50 and this one's a steal at $6

• Buttons! If you're just feeling a longing to belong, these metal buttons with clever slogans are just 30 cents a piece, and who wouldn't want to represent themselves as having attended, say, the Minnesota Zoo or Info Tech ‘93 in Phoenix?

• Tennessee Lady Bass Champ '78 trophy—accolade and style in one $2 piece

• A Memoir: Barbara Bush audio book—for $2, cassette tapes read by the author!


11 Surprising Statements by Truman Turczyn (Ages 3-5)

"I am your master. Assignment 1: Do what your master says. Assignment 2: Buy me toys."

"Chuck E. Cheese is not cool. He's just a mouse, and they try to make him cool, but he's still not cool."

"You're going INTO control, and I'm going OUT."

"The next time somebody calls me ‘Sweetie,' I'm going to say, ‘What is it, husband?'"

"Christ the Lord, woman! I need a drink!"

"We are weak but God is strong...but not as strong as the Riddler. Or Mr. Freeze."

"Coffee turns you back into a human again."

"You cannot be blinded in the darkness. You can only be blinded by the light."

"Thank you, God for our food. I will not torture you. [pregnant pause] We will rock you, Amen." [pre-dinner prayer]

"Go ahead, Mom. Laugh it up!"

Bonus Song Lyrics:

"I killed a bear, Skeleton man/You're going down, man/He didn't care/I was in the air/Floating like a zombie."

11 Street Names Likely to Fool Newcomers

1. Historic Preservation Drive, near the Civic Coliseum, is confusing for a couple of reasons; one that it doesn't appear on all maps (including Google maps, which appears to call it "Salvus"). The other reason it's confusing is that the street is home to no known preserved historic structures of any sort. In fact, many old houses were torn down, about 50 years ago, to make way for this street.

2. East Hill Avenue. It runs north and south, and over here the hill for which Hill Avenue was named is hardly a rumor.

3. Farragut Avenue and Bearden Place. They're both in North Knoxville!

4. Parkside Drive. Where's the Park?

5. Forest Park Boulevard. Where's the Forest? Where's the Park? And on that subject, where's the Boulevard?

6. Pellissippi Parkway. The term "parkway" was chosen for its alliterative charm, but in most parts of the country a parkway is a way through a park, a drive through the country, often along deliberately undeveloped land.

7. Sixth, Seventh, Eighth, and Ninth Avenues, in relation to Third, Fourth and Fifth Avenues (never mind that there's not a First and Second).

8. Lake Loudoun Boulevard. It's too short to pass for a boulevard, to begin with, and the term "Lake Loudoun," to describe the handiest body of water, was a fashion victim of the '50s and '60s.

9. University Avenue. It runs near no actual universities, and never did, beyond the northern fringe of what's considered the university area. It may reflect another era's ambitions about tiny Knoxville College.

10. Northshore. It makes sense when it's alongside the north shore of the Tennessee River as it widens into Fort Loudon Lake. However, it's more commercially developed section, near Kingston Pike and I-40, is nowhere near a shore, except for the shore of Fourth Creek.

11. Confederacy Way. Granted, its general neighborhood is a Bizarro World of non-sequiturs: Glen Abbey Boulevard? Jamestowne Boulevard? English Station Way? But the fact that this conspicuous street which intersects Kingston Pike is near the birthplace of Union hero Farragut, and the community named for him, in a mostly Unionist county, gives it a special sort of boost.



Anagram Answers

1. Cuonzo Martin

2. Cynthia Moxley

3. Ron Peabody

4. Jamie Woodson

5. Coury Turczyn

6. Marilyn Roddy

7. Tim Burchett

8. George Korda

9. Gloria Ray

10. Ashley Capps

11. Mike Edwards