eye (2006-29)

Drinking Lessons w/ Stephen Crime and Will Fist

I, Audience

Go.

Drinking Lessons w/ Stephen Crime and Will Fist

The Dirty Works , although they only scored second place, put on a killer show, with that crazy mofo Christopher Scum screaming borderline incomprehensible lyrics, wearing his signature brass knuckles. “If they say I can’t wear them, I won’t play,” Scum says of his treasured head-bashers. During the performance, drummer B. Riot had some drunk Dave Matthews Band fans yelling “more cowbell” for the rowdy number that’s always a bar-favorite, “Get High.”

Guitarist Stephen Crime , swaggering offstage, told MP that he had decided to further embrace debauchery. “When people ask me what I play,” he grinned, “I say that I play the Booze.”

On Friday night, we left Java after seeing Bloodiest Night of my Life ’s last show—uh, last show until their next last show. Down the street at Pilot Light, The Zombie Bazooka Patrol was dishing out some undead-folk, offering free hugs, no strings attached. Next, in a dramatic stylistic shift, Lobster Lobster Lobster pistol-whipped the audience with breakneck thrash blues. Singer/rioter Mitch Garza polished off some Jim Beam right before Will Fist snatched the empty bottle and used it to play a little slide guitar with velveteen cocksureness, the kind of bottlenecking that you usually see deep in the Mississippi Delta.

When asked if they ever practiced the old Jim-Beam-Slide-Guitar, Garza said, “I dunno.... It kind of impressed me.”

I, Audience

During Moral Decay ’s set, Andy Christ , the mohawked singer of Murfreesboro’s punk-sludge outfit Stiff Resistance , started some aggravated slam dancing. And the Nazis joined in. We don’t know if words were exchanged or if Andy’s anti-Nazi patch sparked controversy, but good fun turned ugly. Fists started flying. Girls got pinned up against the bar. A dreadlocked hippie came out of nowhere to jump into the fray. Lucas Flatt , one of Sadville ’s guitarists, took a blow to the head. There was a little swelling, and it was still a little puffy the next day when Lucas had to get all glam-rocked for his role in Hedwig and the Angry Inch .

The Nazi’s were defeated and promptly kicked out, breathing heavy and rubbing their bruised swastikas. The crowd continued to jeer as the Nazis headed down the stairs. Someone in Moral Decay yelled, “Get your Nazi-shit out of here.” It’s nice to know that even a band with a name like “Moral Decay” doesn’t have time for this kind of crap.

There are reports that our favorite Nazis were spotted at Wal-Mart, shopping for home furnishings and towels. Let’s hope hate now stays at home. We’ll rock harder without them.

Go.

Friday, July 21: Stop by the Grotto’s Art Auction from 6-10 p.m., then go see 1220 , Knoxville’s raddest underage band, who are back and reportedly better than ever, playing the Funhouse at Barley’s. Be nice to the staff. After that, amble over to Pilot Light for old time’s sake, to cuddle in the dark shadows or to bask in the glowing pop of The Ghosts .

Saturday, July 22: Take the recycling (really this time). Then call your parents to say hi. Go to Chandler’s on Magnolia for some friendly faces and some heavenly broccoli casserole. Finally, head to the Grotto for We Are The Walrus , a Beatles tribute band. Request “She’s Leaving Home.” Slow-dance.

Sunday, July 23: Go to Sunspot with the girls or the boys for brunch but for God’s sake skip the make-your-own Bloody Mary— Claire makes them much better than you. Then bike the First Creek trail in a glorious Sunday haze.

Monday, July 24: After work, change into your homemade “Free the Wests ” t-shirt and then really show your support by rounding up your motley-crew officemates for some porch-drinking at Preservation Pub. The ’hood wouldn’t be the same without them.

Tuesday, July 25: See if you can stalk Ryan Adams ; lunch at the Tomato Head, cocktails at Sapphire (where he reportedly mooned someone last time he was here), and then, of course, hear him play in our own beautiful Bijou, which has way better acoustics than your shower. Request, belligerently if you must, that he play “Come Pick Me Up.” Yes.

Wednesday, July 26: Hit up the Farmer’s Market at lunch and buy something from the friendly herbmonger. Linger at Downtown Grill just a little longer than usual to catch MP , hot off the presses. And like Joe T. and Paige M.T. said before, read it cover to cover. (We write it just for you, after all).