Disclaimer: This Account Was Written While Distracted by Live Video of the Letalvis Cobbins Verdict

On August 13, a man was stopped and searched in West Knoxville following a routine traffic stop during the perpetration of driving poorly. Police stopped the Cadillac and searched it, requesting that there be no reaction from members of the audience. They found a pink plastic baggie in the man's white pocket containing four white rocks. When questioned as to how they found the suspect in perpetration of the facilitation of what appeared to be cocaine, the suspect admitted that the "rocks" were a mixture of peanut butter and candle wax meant to be passed off as crack. As to count 12, he said that he passed them off as crack. [At this point, WBIR's feed suddenly went all wonky. It was annoying.] The Metro Pulse could not imagine a more frustratingly typical explanation! It always seems to happen at this particular point, in a police stop, even though the police just got "brand new" computers from corporate that, in 2009 for God's sake, should be able to deal with the Internet. [Back on] Ahh, here we go. As to count 27, the man was taken into custody.

Brandon Kane contributed to this report