Caught Greasy Handed

From the files of the Knoxville Police Department

There's nothing quite as comforting as a home-cooked breakfast, but, as one local man recently learned, sometimes it's just more convenient to go out.

On July 25 at 8:58 a.m., officers from the Knoxville Police Department responded to a call regarding assault and theft. The alleged victim said she and the suspect were arguing when he slapped her across the face and threw her to the ground, knocking her breakfast from her hands. She claimed that while she called to report the incident to the police, he snatched her purse and cellphone, then fled the scene. Officers noticed the victim didn't have any marks or redness on her face and didn't appear to have been in such a physical altercation.

They located the alleged assailant, and though he agreed they had been arguing, he offered a different story: He said he hadn't knocked her breakfast from her hands but that she had thrown sausages and pancakes at him. Sure enough, the officers saw grease and syrup stains across his shirt. He also claimed to have stolen nothing.

The officers informed the alleged victim she could seek an order of protection against the suspect if she wished. No word if they also pointed the alleged assailant in the direction of the nearest bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit.