Knoxville: City of Raging Alcoholics

What is the RealAge® Test, and how exactly does it scientifically determine the 10 Worst Cities in America for Alcohol Abuse? Who knows! Hey, it’s got Dr. Oz’s photo on the website that hosts RealAge®, which promises “Live Life to the Youngest”—so it simply must be legitimate. Consequently, we accept without question Dr. Oz’s determination that Knoxville is the number-one city in the nation (well, tied with Memphis) for alcohol abuse. Okay, so you (not us) may be skeptical of this particular Survey Intended to Get Media Attention™. But here’s their irrefutable evidence: “When it comes to alcohol abuse, women from Memphis and men from Knoxville top our list. Both cities are in the top 10 for strong social networks, and drinking tends to be a social activity.” There. You see? Done. Now, we suggest the entire city immediately take the RealAge Test and start the healing process.

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