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602 S. Gay Street
Knoxville, TN 37902
Dear Mr. Mayor,
I recently attended a Knox County School Board meeting, and when it was adjourned, I found a page from your daily planner on the floor. Since it was too late to return it, I thought I would post this as a reminder.
6:00 a.m.: Krystal-Cumberland Ave. Meet with ex-City Mayor Victor Ashe to debate the caloric cost effectiveness of McDonald’s versus Krystal.
6:45 a.m.: Taxidermist. Pick up newly acquired raccoon skin (found on road) for coon-skin hat. (The previous one was lent to the Davy Crockett Museum in Morristown, whether they wanted it or not)
7:15 to 7:36 a.m.: Commute. Drive my own vehicle to the City-County Building. Donate my would-be parking money to retired Hooter’s workers.
7:55 a.m.: City-County Reception Area. Do weekly spot check of building reception desk
8:00 a.m.: Knox County Mayor’s Office. Hang up my 5-year-old North Face jacket, and change into my custom-tailored blue suit.
8:15 a.m.: Check with purchasing about the new Knox County badges. (Don’t Mess With Me, I Am The Saver!)
8:55 a.m.: Call staff meeting.
9:00 a.m.: End staff meeting; take sippy-cup break.
9:15 a.m.: Check why Dean has put porn-block again on my Internet.
9:30 a.m.: Return phone calls.
9:34 a.m.: Call Governor Haslam.
10:00 a.m.: Ask County Law Director Jarrett to explain my home-owner association bylaws.
12:00 a.m.: Wright’s Cafeteria. Hold closed meeting to explore ways to carpool and share trays.
12:15 p.m.: Wright’s Cafeteria. Call Governor Haslam again.
12:45 p.m.: Look for good salt brine prices on eBay.
1:00 p.m.: Write heated rebuttal to the Planned Parenthood people. Use myself as a great anti-abortion example. (DO NOT BRING UP YOU KNOW WHO).
1:30 p.m.: Meet with random people. Figure which face to put on Facebook. Play board games with Dean.
4:30 p.m.: Yeah, time for Andy Griffith … end of the day.
5:01 p.m.: Call Governor Haslam again, find out what he wore today!