April 1 Special Edition: Survey: Is Haslam the Perfect Mayor?

Knoxvillians agree that life in our fair city has improved during Haslam’s administration, in many respects.

“There’s no comparison,” says Sarah Craven, a University of Tennessee sophomore in merchandising. “We have iPhones now. Plus, we can watch Desperate Housewives and Dancing With the Stars. They didn’t used to be on at all! Isn’t that just too weird? Before Haslam, we didn’t even have Lost.”

A sorority sister chimes in praise of the Haslam Era. “3D movies—that’s something you didn’t see much before Haslam,” says Tippi Herndon. “Also, YouTube. It’s almost hard to imagine life before Haslam.”

“What’s great about the Haslam administration?” says Brittney Beavers. “Hello? Hookah bars. I’d never even heard of them before Haslam was inaugurated.”

“As I recall, it didn’t snow much before Haslam,” says Ruth Partridge. “I’m glad winter’s over, but it sure was nice to have some snow after so many snowless years during the Ashe administration.”

Bob Gray answers, cleverly, with a provocative question: “Before Haslam, did Hardee’s have the Grilled Cheese Angus Thickburger? I don’t think so.”

Five Things You Don’t Know About Bill Haslam:

1. He enjoys long cuddles with his golden retriever, Sparky.

2. He reads Family Circus every day.

3. His security code name is “Honey Bear 1.”

4. His favorite dish is plain SpaghettiO’s.

5. He’s awesome all the time!

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