An alumnus and former writer-in-residence at UT, Kali Meister’s spent many hours avoiding game day traffic and had never heard of Lane Kiffin. But Meister, who trained in handwriting analysis “under a crazy woman in Texas who’s dead now,” has been plying the trade for fun and profit the past 25 years, and obliged us with these five insights about Kiffin, based on the way he signs his name:
1. Indicator: “a”s and “f”s open, “i” dotted strongly.
He has an “almost unnatural level of high confidence,” and on the surface appears to be outgoing. “But some of the outgoing nature is actually forced, you can tell because the ‘L’ is completely disconnected from the rest of his first name, with a closed loop; the only completely formed letter in his signature. That indicates that he’s guarded. His private life is very private. He’s going to be very particular about who he lets into his home.” Yep. Too bad WVLT’s Rick Russo didn’t know this before he was rebuffed earlier in the year for asking why Kiffin’s newborn son was named “Knox” with a terse, “That’s private.”
2. Indicator: Bold slopes on “L” and “K”
He has a creative inner life. “He has a whole other life of the mind at home and in his down time—which is also indicated by almost a full inch between his “L” and the rest of his first name—and if he didn’t, he wouldn’t be able to succeed with the complicated problem-solving he does at the job.”
3. Indicator: Strong dot on “i,” heavy pressing on signature
He’s blunt. Florida coach Urban Meyer and numerous others are aware of this; it’s not gonna change. “At his core, he’s nice—he’s got a lot of round curves in his writing, and that’s a sign of passion and caring. But he has no edit button.”
4. Indicator: The letters of his last name sort of trail off into nothing
He is a lot better at getting a job done than playing the political game. “I find it interesting that he doesn’t end his last name. Wherever he was when he wrote this, he was probably bored. He’s not the type to deal well with politics. He’ll say things he has to defend later.”
5. Indicator: Elongated loops
He has to be really disciplined to maintain his weight and fitness. “If they were any rounder, weight would be a real issue for him, but as it is, it’s just something he must pay attention to.” Welcome back to the world of tailgating, Lane.