A Cozy Crack Den Can Be So Hard to Find

Around 9:30 p.m. on a late September Thursday, police were called to an East Knoxville discount grocery store. There, employees explained they had just seen a woman who appeared to be considering arson as a possible nighttime diversion, loitering in the parking lot with matches and gasoline in hand. A second squad car’s arrival at a nearby apartment building revealed that the supermarket was not the only item on the suspect’s “To-Burn-Down” list. Police caught up with her heading north on Martin Luther King Jr. Avenue.

The suspect admitted to having drenched in fuel and setting alight the porch and front door of her apartment building, causing a small amount of property damage before the fire was smothered. However, don’t mistake the suspect for your average pyromaniac. Only after being read her Miranda rights did the suspect choose to unveil the source of her righteous anger. Arson was merely a ploy to bring public attention to a severe disservice done to her by her landlords, who, cruelly, answered “no” when the suspect asked if she might smoke crack in their apartment complex.

The police report did not state that the officers released the suspect after learning that she was merely trying to serve justice to her tyrannical landlords, but one can only assume they let her go with apologies and fined the apartment managers for attempting to restrict an individual’s right to enjoy some crack.

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