A New Economy Story

In which, saaaaaaad. There has to be another name for this depressing “new economy.” Continuing to call it that is beginning to seem more and more like the ludicrous denial it is. Previously, I have suggested the “New Feudalism,” “America’s Third Worldening,” or “Professional football’s least profitable decade.” But the following story has given me some inspiration. Welcome, citizens, to America’s “Generation-long, Subsistence-Level Crime Spree.” That, I believe, pretty much sums it up.

A worker at a downtown office building reported a break-in on the afternoon of Feb. 21. The police, no doubt fearing major, expensive larceny, stormed the building and found a man rifling through the kitchen. When they arrested and searched him in a nearby stairwell, they found a baggie on his person. Drugs? No, the office worker reported, the bag had previously contained sliced lunch meat. Also missing were a box of animal crackers and some saltines.

Merri Shaffer contributed to this report

© 2009 MetroPulse. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

Comments » 0

Be the first to post a comment!

Share your thoughts

Comments are the sole responsibility of the person posting them. You agree not to post comments that are off topic, defamatory, obscene, abusive, threatening or an invasion of privacy. Violators may be banned. Click here for our full user agreement.

Comments can be shared on Facebook and Yahoo!. Add both options by connecting your profiles.