In which, saaaaaaad. There has to be another name for this depressing “new economy.” Continuing to call it that is beginning to seem more and more like the ludicrous denial it is. Previously, I have suggested the “New Feudalism,” “America’s Third Worldening,” or “Professional football’s least profitable decade.” But the following story has given me some inspiration. Welcome, citizens, to America’s “Generation-long, Subsistence-Level Crime Spree.” That, I believe, pretty much sums it up.
A worker at a downtown office building reported a break-in on the afternoon of Feb. 21. The police, no doubt fearing major, expensive larceny, stormed the building and found a man rifling through the kitchen. When they arrested and searched him in a nearby stairwell, they found a baggie on his person. Drugs? No, the office worker reported, the bag had previously contained sliced lunch meat. Also missing were a box of animal crackers and some saltines.
Merri Shaffer contributed to this report