Letter: Varmintous

That annual "list" issue of June 23 was, as advertised, uselessly awesome and mighty—the worst of which jumped out on page 24 as "Knoxville still needs such 'n' such" by Rose Kennedy. She sez Knox County Liberrys oughtta stock board games. I say funk that. Tightwad Tim's anti-Santy Claus county budget don't allow fer moon-suit biohazard decontamination crews to sterilize all them game pieces 'n' parts after each checkout. What with gangs of grubby finger germy lil' kids gettin' popsickle sticky candy corn melt with boogers stuck all over 'em, some grizzly geezers dribblin' drool, nose hair, ear wax gobs 'n' medicated stinky goo, and to mention teenage weed fiends chewin' up game pieces when they run out of Funyuns, leavin' burn holes 'n' beer smears on the game board. Heck, what if some meth-lab pervert with a head cold sneezes on it? How 'bout bed bugs, spiders, termites, 'n' snakes? This is one varmintous public health menace and must be quashed 'fore it spreads. Them pore liberry workers got enough pesky books 'n' stuff to watch out for as it is. Go to jail do not pass go, Miz Rose. Sorry!

Ole Joe Don Tom Bob Acree


P.S.: On a brighter note, Truman Turczyn's manifesto on page 26 indicates he is a hygienic board gamer and may well become a future president or high emperor of the United States or Solar System, excluding Pluto since it is uncool.