German Radioactive Waste? Bring It On!

I wish to congratulate the enterprising Oak Ridge company EnergySolutions for trying to get permits to burn German radioactive waste upwind of Knoxville—way to go EnergySolutions!

The Germans are too much wussie she-men to handle a little radioactivity in their air so EnergySolutions found a way to profit from their lack of nerve.

EnergySolutions plans on burning at least 1,000 tons of dry radioactive material from Germany, outside of Oak Ridge.

We here in the valley deeply appreciate and support the immediate benefits of burning more radioactive waste. Our air quality is too good to believe—and we can accommodate a lot more incineration of every sort—especially radioactive waste.

Tree-hugger granola-munching types are going to whine their predictable liberal rant, "The air quality is poisonous some days here in Knoxville already." Or, "No, really—they tell us most of the summer not to be outdoors. It's really bad here."

Liberal tree-huggers would rob your children of the beautiful blue, orange, and sometimes pink moons that Knoxville children have come to view as part of their heritage. Ignore their gasping, choking complaints of poor air quality.

Knoxville children tend to cry in fear the first time they leave town and see "stars"—but the cup is half full! They get apocalyptic orange, red, pink shimmering sunsets in the west!

And let's not completely toss out the possibility of superpowers for Knoxville children! X-ray vision, the ability to fly—who knows what fun mutant powers might pop up?

Or alternatively, the boom in cancer wards, clinics, and hospitals. Can we afford not to burn radioactive waste when it could generate more jobs in the medical industry?

Burning radioactive German waste here in East Tennessee is a wonderful idea any way you look at it.

So hats off to EnergySolutions for such a brilliant plan!

Chris Irwin