First of all, I want to thank you for having all the motorcycle stuff available for my human to look at. She got so engrossed in her virtual shopping experience that she didn't even pick out a new bike. I was worried there for a few days. She rode a few bikes that looked pretty impressive: the new Victory Vision, the Kingpin, the Triumph Bonneville, Thunderbird, and Rocket, and even a three-wheeled Can-Am thing that didn't even look like a motorcycle.
I know she would never totally abandon me, anyway, even if you did get her a brand new bike for Christmas. I've been so very good this year. I didn't break down one time, and I've taken her places she didn't think I could go. Even packed up with camping gear, I didn't so much as pop a bungee hook.
I've been so good, it just wouldn't be fair to kick me to the curb and let some other bike take my place in the garage. What I want for Christmas is to keep on doing what I'm doing. Maintenance is all I need to keep me happy, but that's not really a Christmas present, is it?
There's just one tiny little thing I could use, and that's an oil change. So if you could put an oil filter and 4.2 quarts of oil in my stocking, I'd appreciate it. Gotta keep those parts running smooth. And if I could have a bath every now and then, and get shined up for my dates, that would be great. I have a bike show in a few days, so maybe I could get that wash job early?
Bring her all the farkles you want. Load her up with new riding clothes, anything that will give her no reason to leave me in the garage. I really hate it out here. My place is on the road, getting bugs stuck all over my headlight and wearing out my tires. I miss my riding buddies when I'm in here, too. I love sitting at the gas station, winking at all the other shiny bikes pulling in and out. I'll even go out in the rain whenever she wants, 'cause I'm tough, and she knows it.
There is one thing I'm going to ask you for her, though, Santa, and that's time: time for me to go on long trips; time in the winter when the days are short, and the sun shines for such a little bit. And later on, when the springtime starts working its magic, and everybody starts coming out of their garages, I want to be out there all the time. I want to be one of those sun-faded old bikes one day, proud to show my age and still be running the roads.
So that's just about it for the requests. We have pretty much everything we need. As long as we're together, that's all I care about. Have a good trip around the world, and if you see anybody out there riding, give 'em a wave for me.
Your little friend,
P.S. I'm sorry that you only get to ride one day a year. Maybe you and Mrs. Claus can take a few days off after Christmas and come down to Tennessee and ride the roads with me and my buds. I'm sure you could use a break from all the stress by then, and there's nothing better for that than a long ride on a motorcycle.
Spikey McSpikington shares a condo garage with a Ford in Knoxville's near west side. He and Carol have been together since December 2006. You may send your comments to either at firstname.lastname@example.org