Sanity Smitten

Should a sex-crazed hubby abandon his family in the name of unfettered passion?

Dear Pink Lady,

I do hope that you can help me. I am a middle-aged male with two teen children and a beautiful wife at home. The problem is this: I am an active, sexual male, and my wife is a passive, non-sexual female. This has led to years of frustration for me. We are good lovers when together, but sex with my spouse is not often enough. Coupled with the other issues that confront our lives daily, our relationship seems to have problems that I sometimes do not want to overcome. I am weary of working on my marriage.

Enter the 37-year-old virgin, whom I just met a few months ago. I made a comment that she was "quite the attractive female," which, much to my surprise and excitement, later led her to ask me about relationships and sex. It turned out that her husband had developed a brain tumor prior to her marriage at 18, and he has never had any interest in sex with her. She has cared for the deadbeat out of some perverted sense of religious responsibility (he doesn't work and receives disability checks from the state). She had never made love or slept with a man—until now.

We have been together four times now, and it keeps getting better each time. She is smitten with me and has told me that she loves me, in spite of the fact that I have told her that it is lust only. (We both agreed to have sex, no strings attached.) My emotions are on edge, and I can't think clearly. I backed off this relationship just to gather my wits, only to have her offer to divorce her husband and have me retire early (her being the breadwinner) if I would only have her and show her life. She said we could have sex two or three times a day if I would take her.

My sanity is at its snapping point. I am not sure where I should go.

—At a Critical Moment

Dear Critical,

If you can't think clearly or sanely, now is not the time to be making a life-changing decision like leaving your wife and family for another woman, especially one that you're not sure if you love. I'm curious, too—how exactly is this other woman going to be the breadwinner if you're having sex three times a day? That can get really exhausting, you know. Also, even if she can financially provide for you, is she prepared to make enough to cover the alimony and child support you're going to owe?

None of this is to say that you should stay with your wife for the sake of the children. It's possible your marriage really has reached a breaking point, but the place to figure that out is in counseling. Meanwhile, whip up a batch of "apricot wine" and resolve not to contact your paramour until you've had enough time to slowly savor a glass 30 days from now. Hopefully by then, you'll be thinking a little more clearly.


The Pink Lady

Apricot Wine

1 lb. dried apricots

4 qts. warm water

6 1/2 c. granulated sugar

2 1/4 c. brown sugar

1 1/2 c. seeded raisins

1 T. ginger

2 lemons, thinly sliced

2 oranges, thinly sliced

1/2 cake yeast

Wash and dry the apricots well, and then cut in halves. Place in a large crock and add the warm water (reserving 1/2 cup in which to dissolve the yeast cake). Stir in the sugars, raisins, fruit, and ginger. Add the dissolved yeast and mix well. Cover with the lid of the crock and let stand for 30 days, stirring every other day. Strain into a bottle. Improves with age.

This week's drink is from Cotton Country Cooking (Decatur, Ala., 1972)

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