Is Her Friend Getting Married For All the Wrong Reasons?

Dear Pink Lady,

Am I a huge bitch for not being happy that one of my best friends just got engaged? I love her, and I think he is a really good guy. And I know her goal in life is to get married, so I know this engagement makes her happy. But I honestly think she doesn't love him—at least she didn't in August, after two years together. Maybe things have changed significantly, but I still can't work up any enthusiasm for her engagement. At all.

I know if I said that to many people, they'd just assume I was jealous. But I'm not. I just think she is making a huge mistake. Is it okay to not be happy for your friends? Or should I just be happy she got what she always wanted—a ring—and just try to forget that maybe she is one of those girls who cares more about the wedding than the groom?

—Maid of Dishonor

Dear Maid,

It can be hard when a close friend gets engaged and leaves you still stuck in the woeful vagaries of the dating life. You say you aren't jealous, that you only care about of the welfare of your friend, but I suspect that if you're honest with yourself, you'll find a smidgen of jealousy there—your friend is about to marry a "really good guy," and she doesn't even appreciate it!

That said, I don't mean to discount your concerns about your friend's marital plans. Unfortunately, in this current contemporary of culture of "Say Yes to the Dress!" and the like, the husband seems to have come second to the wedding. If your friend really is getting married solely for the sake of getting married, she's not the only one—and she's likely to be one of the 50 percent of marriages that end in divorce.

But you never really know what goes on in other people's relationships, and maybe over the past few months your friend has realized what a treasure she has in her "good guy." I'd suggest you whip up a batch of "Hot Buttered Rum Mix" with which to toast your friend's happy news—or, at worst, drown your jealous sorrows.

Cheers,

The Pink Lady

Hot Buttered Rum Mix

1 lb. butter, softened

1 lb. light brown sugar

1 qt. vanilla ice cream, softened

1 tsp. ground nutmeg

2 tsp. ground cinnamon

1 lb. powdered sugar, optional

Beat butter in bowl until creamy. Gradually beat in brown sugar until smooth. Add ice cream, nutmeg, and cinnamon. If a sweeter mix is desired, add powdered sugar. Store in freezer.

To serve: Mix 1 heaping tablespoon of mix with 1 jigger of rum in a mug. Add boiling water. Garnish with nutmeg or a cinnamon stick.

This week's recipe is from Peachtree Bouquet (Junior League of DeKalb County, Ga., 1987).

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